Sunday, May 01, 2011

Death is not something you can stick a pin in.

Been here a week and a half here in Illinois.... in this time a tornado went thru St. louis and did damage at the airport..basically destroyed terminal C which was in bad shape and they had been remodeling... then a couple days later a slew of tornado's took out several other states...my cousin Kim lives in Alabama near Huntsville... Took out a bunch of houses in the next street overs neighborhood... Kim says no electricity, no water, no services , no gas for car or generators... what a mess....She says the roads are horrid and most impassable...Wow... We offered to come get her, but she says the 6 hours wouldn't work because of so much damage in Tennessee also and all the flooding.

When we got here, grandpa has went from being bed ridden and weak... to the last 3 days not eating nor drinking.. he is in pain. so he is on Morphine.... but he still Rallies... Just when his respiratory is down to 8 beats per minute and you dare not give any more pain meds.... and your certain death is any moment... he opens his eyes and smiles.... There are so many story's to tell about just the last few days.. I am over whelmed with emotion..  I sit next to his bed holding his hand, checking his pulse, checking what I can to make sure he is comfortable and not in much agony... This afternoon we actually played catch... What a wild deal.. He is laying there 90% out of his mind, a shell of the man he was... to having the strength to throw a toy at me.. LOL... he makes me proud... I don't understand why he is holding on so strongly and why he doesn't slip away... I will never know.. I am just amazed... He said to me today... " I am almost ready to go"... I said, "Okay where we going" he said, "I don't know"... I said, "are you going to God?" He said, "No not there...not sure where" he said.. What is one to take from that???? We hear so many stories about death but after this... no two Alzheimer patients death are the same... They are all so different... Ya know Grandma has it.... She is moving along at a good pace.. she can't understand why she can't feed grandpa... we tell her he can no longer swallow... she doesn't understand.

To get my mind off things... I asked my Brother to find me something to do... So he rolled up on his Big Boy Lawnmower...showed me a few maneuver's and I was off on the coolest lawn mower ride ever... What a fun thing to do.. I mowed for almost an hour... I loved it....the sun was shinning... The hospice nurse had come to check on Gramps.... and life was just wonderful.... Mowing about 2 acres of Land... My biceps are sore.... Oh yeah I found them... cramp city...but none the less awesome... tomorrow I will spray round up all around the giant chicken house and spray the outside of the house for bugs... I been finding them black jumping moving real fast spiders in the house... NO LIKE!!!

More Later... it is 1:15 AM... SLEEP IS NOT HAPPENING FOR ME....

OH  Yeah weight loss results... consistently  parked at the 50 pound loss... Can't get proper rest, can't eat on time, not drinking enough water... Plain old not doing what I am suppose to... My Job... I have no idea.. but I  know where I am suppose to be in time and that is right here..... with My Parents, brother, grand parents, nephew, niece, great niece and Aunt... As for my wonderful Husband.. He understands.. He misses me and I miss him but he understands.. My kids.. they don't understand... they are both saying.. come home mom.....

I hear noises in the house.. gotta go see what the hell is going on.....................

6 comments:

Amazing Gracie said...

Oh honey!!! Stay where you are. As long as Putter is being so supportive you're where you need to be. When my mom was in the hospital I came back to work for a few days and she died. I have hated myself for that for a long time! If you feel this is what you should do, than that's it. Your kids will understand someday.
~~~Your post just breaks my heart because the waiting process is so hard. You have so much love in you for your grandpa, and you're so lucky that your words seem to be getting through to him. That's a blessing.
My prayers reach out to you, for you...
~~~Blessings~~~

"Lois Grebowski" said...

Gracie couldn't have said it better. Big hugs and prayers, my dear. May his passing be peaceful!

Crazy Working Mom said...

Sending prayers of peace for you and your family, Callie. I say you are doing the right thing. I was there for my Grandma...the whole family was there. In fact she held on 'till she got to see her sister. Once she got there it wasn't long after when she passed. Gracie is right, the waiting is the hard part. Soon enough he'll be on the other side, in no pain. Take care of yourself. ♥

Empress Bee (of the high sea) said...

hugs honey, just hugs.


bee
xxoxoxoxox

Traveling Bells said...

Waiting and watching is awful. Prayers for a peaceful passing. Big hugs, honey...

Linda said...

Krap on a stick, Callie. This stinks on so many levels I wouldn't even know where to start.

I hope that your Gramps finds his eternal rest soon and that in the meantime you stay safe, sound, and healthy.

Sending you a big ol' space-invading hug!