Thursday, October 21, 2010

"You Shit The Bed, Bert" said by Grams

There are moments in ones life where if you don't must have a gigantuous stick up your hiney.

What I am about to tell you is truth.. heard thru my own two ears over a phone across the united states... with full voice and a narrator at the other end... The other end has a Monitor and Voice into the room of the following

A 92 year old man with Alzheimer's Advance Stages= Name Gramps

A 88 year old woman with Alzheimer's Medium Stage= Name Grams

A 67 year old woman with Serious Case of Nerves= Name D for Daughter

We open with this scene.

In the bedroom of a home of a family clear back in Illinois.

D says: Dad you smell like poop, you need to go in the bathroom and see.

Gramps says: No, I am fine I checked this morning!

D says: No, Dad you smell like poop, you did something

Gramps says: I can take care of myself

D says: Okay, Goodnight

D goes back in her house and checks the monitor which goes into their bedroom (Cause they are old and have Alzheimer's and probably couldn't do any sex thing.. but whom knows)


Grams is laying in bed, Gramps walks around to his side of the bed and sits down...

Gramps says: Woman there is Shit on the Bed!

Grams says: What???

Gramps: There is Shit ON THE BED!!

Grams: well, get some toilet paper!  she then looks, NO, Get a Washcloth and get it wet!!!
Gramps walks back into the room. Walks to his side of the bed...

Grams: You have Shit all over your backside, Get back in there and clean up.

Gramps: Woman I need some help in here!!

Grams: Oh My God you have SHIT all over this bathroom.
Get out here and put on some Shorts!

Gramps: OKAY ... gramps already has a pair of depends on, he walks to his side of the bed and says
I don't want to lay on the SHIT!

Grams: says well your the one that Shit The Bed!!! Then put something else on. Put your Dirty Clothes in the laundry and shut that dam door. "It Stinks!"

Gramps puts on another pair of Depends over the First pair of Depends. Stares at the Bed again...

Gramps: I need to put something else on, I don't want to lay on this... So gramps put on some long Pants

Grams : There is Shit on those pants also

Gramps: God Damnit I got to put on new pants...

Grams : Okay get in bed now..

Gramps: Stands there staring at the bed. hands holding both side of his head... the lights go out.

This guy will laugh with ya, he is certain that he is going to  and starting making his way to Oakland Calf... gonna try to get his license this monring.

These 2 people crack me up. My grandma is so mellow with all the crap my grandpa does. The best part of what is happening is my grandma is getting nicer and my mom is having a great time with her. This makes me happy. I said to my mom "you may need a HazMat suit when you go clean that up tomorrow"


Mo said...

Oh good gravy - so he put on long pants and crawled in bed in it?
I don't know how your mom does it. She deserves a medal. Or a bottle of wine.

Thanks for sharing this shitty story, it made me laugh.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

oh honey this sounds so funny to read but in life we all know it's not. so sorry.

hugs, bee

Callie Ann said...

I know it's not that funny. But, he is so damn sure he is right. LOL he just cracks me up. I love my grandparents big time... But I have to make light of these things.. I am not making fun of them just sharing the crazy times with friends.. Love ya both B and Mo. Love Cal

kmkoelling said...

Our poor grandparents.... I laughed when I read this... I can picture the whole thing going down like I was standing in the room with them. I can hear their voices, see the body movements, the facial expressions, all of it. I wish I could do so much more for them! When they took the vow to stay together in sickness and health and all the other yadda yadda until death do them part they really meant it didn't they! God bless Bert and Louise!

Linda said...

Well, as they say - shit happens!

Bless your mother's heart - she's going to earn quite the reward in heaven for what she's going through here on earth!