Horoscope for Saturday May 7th 2011

Libra

By Rick Levine

You may not be as certain today about a few of your recent choices. Asking tough questions is healthy, but harboring self-doubt is not. The next few days might be frustrating because you can't see very far into the future, making it nearly impossible to finalize your plans. Instead of allowing yourself to be overwhelmed by stress, engage the energy by doing chores around the house or working on an unfinished project. Rest assured that the dust will settle and you'll gain clarity regarding your final answer.

this was my horoscope today...and it was so right on with this Grandpa stuff and my life in Oregon...which I so desperately need to get back to.

Gramps still kicking, Alzheimer's a disease from Hell

Well Grandpa hasn't ate nor drank since last Friday, this is Tuesday night... He looks emaciated... his muscles are contracting and cramping up. You can just sit there and watch it. What a horrid way to die... Hospice has us give him Adavan to help with the muscle cramps and Morphine for the pain. Alzheimer is a wicked disease.. I have no clue as to how this experience is effecting me. I sort of just feel numb about it all. I have little break downs and then trudge on.

 Grandma can't figure out why in the world his mouth stays open. She said it puzzles her. She is just staring at him and then she gets up walks over and tries to close his mouth, but it keeps opening. This is very hard on her. She has the same disease.  She told me she just wants to die in her sleep along side Grandpa. Don't see that statement happening since the old Kevorkian way was snuffed out. She was accepted by Hospice this week. Which is a nice thing so she can go in her own time and be with loved ones.  She has her daughters with her, but keeps asking about her other daughter Pat. She says she needs to call her. They have grandma on a mood stabilizer which has made her so sweet the last few months.. Before she was always mad and depressed. Today she drank 2 whole pots of Coffee... What a crazy thing to watch. She says she ain't hungry but will eat the Medifast Bars I give her. That makes me glad because she needs nutrition and it helps with her diabetes.

The Weather Man says it is cold here tonight.. Gonna Freeze!! I just want it to warm up so I can go swimming... Went for a drive today with my Aunt... I just decided we needed a tawanda adventure it was funny not knowing where we were going. But I figured the Farm Lands in Illinois ain't all that much different than Oregon.... Just keep making Right turns and you will get there and that is what we did. It was fun :)

My Nephew is living with Everyone here, but he says all this dieing crap is making him crazy!!!! So when school gets out this month he said he will stay with his Mom this summer. Which is cool... I think things are just too heavy for him here right now. I love that Kid.

Taken while laying on the Ground and looking up to the sky in Illinois

Just wanted to let everyone know, I really appreciate all the support from everyone. It does help. Thank You.

Bin Laden... the evil mind behind 9/11 DEAD

Praise God!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Death is not something you can stick a pin in.

Been here a week and a half here in Illinois.... in this time a tornado went thru St. louis and did damage at the airport..basically destroyed terminal C which was in bad shape and they had been remodeling... then a couple days later a slew of tornado's took out several other states...my cousin Kim lives in Alabama near Huntsville... Took out a bunch of houses in the next street overs neighborhood... Kim says no electricity, no water, no services , no gas for car or generators... what a mess....She says the roads are horrid and most impassable...Wow... We offered to come get her, but she says the 6 hours wouldn't work because of so much damage in Tennessee also and all the flooding.

When we got here, grandpa has went from being bed ridden and weak... to the last 3 days not eating nor drinking.. he is in pain. so he is on Morphine.... but he still Rallies... Just when his respiratory is down to 8 beats per minute and you dare not give any more pain meds.... and your certain death is any moment... he opens his eyes and smiles.... There are so many story's to tell about just the last few days.. I am over whelmed with emotion..  I sit next to his bed holding his hand, checking his pulse, checking what I can to make sure he is comfortable and not in much agony... This afternoon we actually played catch... What a wild deal.. He is laying there 90% out of his mind, a shell of the man he was... to having the strength to throw a toy at me.. LOL... he makes me proud... I don't understand why he is holding on so strongly and why he doesn't slip away... I will never know.. I am just amazed... He said to me today... " I am almost ready to go"... I said, "Okay where we going" he said, "I don't know"... I said, "are you going to God?" He said, "No not there...not sure where" he said.. What is one to take from that???? We hear so many stories about death but after this... no two Alzheimer patients death are the same... They are all so different... Ya know Grandma has it.... She is moving along at a good pace.. she can't understand why she can't feed grandpa... we tell her he can no longer swallow... she doesn't understand.

To get my mind off things... I asked my Brother to find me something to do... So he rolled up on his Big Boy Lawnmower...showed me a few maneuver's and I was off on the coolest lawn mower ride ever... What a fun thing to do.. I mowed for almost an hour... I loved it....the sun was shinning... The hospice nurse had come to check on Gramps.... and life was just wonderful.... Mowing about 2 acres of Land... My biceps are sore.... Oh yeah I found them... cramp city...but none the less awesome... tomorrow I will spray round up all around the giant chicken house and spray the outside of the house for bugs... I been finding them black jumping moving real fast spiders in the house... NO LIKE!!!

More Later... it is 1:15 AM... SLEEP IS NOT HAPPENING FOR ME....

OH  Yeah weight loss results... consistently  parked at the 50 pound loss... Can't get proper rest, can't eat on time, not drinking enough water... Plain old not doing what I am suppose to... My Job... I have no idea.. but I  know where I am suppose to be in time and that is right here..... with My Parents, brother, grand parents, nephew, niece, great niece and Aunt... As for my wonderful Husband.. He understands.. He misses me and I miss him but he understands.. My kids.. they don't understand... they are both saying.. come home mom.....

I hear noises in the house.. gotta go see what the hell is going on.....................